Maddy CathaOwners of the universe

Work pranks.  

Work pranks

I’ve decided to write about work, seeing as I am no longer unemployed. Today at work, my boss left the place in my charge, so I pulled some pranks.
I served a customer who asked for a burger. I, of course, gave her one then said “that will be six thousand dollars.” She gave me 3 dollars (as is the price for the burger) and then proceeded to leave the store, chuckling to herself. I chuckled too as I called the cops. They brought her in and asked me what she stole, and I said that she stole my anal virginity, then produced the wooden spoon. She denied it, but the cops didn’t believe her because she was black. I love the judicial system.
This immensely huge lady waddled in sideways through both the doors today. By the time she had walked the 20 meters from her car to the door, she was well and truly puffed. She took 5 minutes to catch her breath, so I threw peanuts at her going “ha ha ha come get me fatty” whilst she complained lazily by saying “quit it, quit it, quit – NOW YOU KNOCK THAT OFF” in a really American hillbilly accent.
She ordered 30 burgers, so I asked her if she wanted us to pre order the ambulance too. She, naturally, said "what did you just say?" and I, of course, responded with "I said you're fat. Jiggle with outrage, for I have pointed out the obvious.” She said she was going to sue me (through mouthfuls of burger) but when she left the establishment, had a stroke. I won’t go into details as to what’s happened, but it’s hard to sue someone when the only word you can say is “jiggle”.
There was this woman who came in today and asked for a battered sav (it’s like a deep fried sausage). I looked at the 20 savs we had in the Bane Marie and then said that we were out. She looked at them too and said “but what are those?” and I replied “Battered Savs.” She asked “then can I have one?” I replied “No.” She asked “Why the hell not?” and I replied “Because the boss told me not to serve white people. We hate you wiggers. Stop being so racist to us asian/black/jewish people.”
“But you’re white.” Was her response. Naturally, I burnt her to a crisp with my magic chef powers and asked “who’s white now?”. She had no comment.
The best prank I’ve ever pulled would have to have been when this dude asked for a chicken schnitzel burger with extra mayonnaise. I asked him if he wanted some free jizz with that. He of course declined, so I poured some mayo I had spurted into a spoon and slopped it on his burger and said “too bad”.
Some other pranks I’ve done are like swapping coke for balsamic vinegar, replacing burger patties with sponges, jizzing in the mayo bottle, swapping chips for chunks of yellow candle… I’ll put more pranks on this site later.