Ninja Viking
 Temporary Owner of the universe

Ninja Viking - kicking ass in a brutal stealthy manner.  

The crossover you didn't ask for (but you're gonna get anyway, bitches)!

This is Ninja Viking coming to you live in Australia from MaddyDave.com. Truth be told, I am neither live nor in Australia, but that's okay, lying never hurt anybody. I just realised my introduction had no punchline, and didn't even help me ease into my rant at all. In fact, it was just a poorly constructed single sentence revealing my identity and whereabouts, as well as the premise under which I am ranting. Wait, that's the definition of introduction, my bad. You'll notice I'm making a failed attempt at humour by stretching my introduction further by narrating what I am typing while I am typing, and the kicker is that I didn't even explain what I'm doing well at all, and yet I'm still doing it so as to avoid an awkward pause.

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Damn.

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So you're probably asking yourself why, if this is a rant of a ninja viking, is it not on Rants of a Ninja Viking? If you're not one of the fourteen people who have actually heard of RoanNV, you're probably asking yourself what the hell I'm talking about and why the hell you should care, as well as who the hell I am and what colour is my underwear. Black, with a Batman symbol on the ass. That answers one question, now onto the rest.

I run a quaint little page on a blogging website called, as mentioned before, Rants of a Ninja Viking. I won't bother linking it, Maddy's already done so on his main page, proving he has taste as well as advertising the fact that he enjoys reading about manliness, masculinity, and all other kinds of things I could state using a thesaurus. Ugh. I feel like such a whore. I've mentioned my site along with biased reviewing about seven times now, and I haven't actually taken to ranting about anything yet. This bullshit more qualifies as a ramble, if anything. A plethora of mind-numbing wowness, at least to me.

Let's see, what can I complain about? Something an Australian audience can get behind 100% and therefore love me for it and visit my page and make me popular on an international scale. Hell, any scale would be nice (there he goes showcasing his self-esteem issues again). As well as referring to himself in the third person. Crickets all round.

How about them kangaroos, eh? I mean, what is up with those things? They have those pouches, and there was that one that wore that shirt on Winnie the Pooh. What a farce! Uhhh... That was a disgrace of an attempt, don't bother pointing it out. Or do so, I could do with some hatemail that goes beyond one goddamn sentence. Seriously, that's all I get. Three word insults regarding my unoriginal name or lack of talent, and nothing more. C'mon, I haven't had a good goddamn laugh in weeks. Send me something spiteful and I'll love you forever or some shit like that.

Ha, I actually tried relating to Australians by talking about kangaroos. That's like the equivalent of relating to black people by talking about stealing a TV. Racist comments are great for extending written works that have thus far accomplished nothing.

I thought I'd take the time to let you all know that I'm a muthafuggin' Canadian, and as such tend to wear plaid on all occasions, chew icecubes for sport, wrestle polar bears for shits and giggles and rape penguins. Stereotypes are pretty sweet too, eh? Fuckin' Canada.

Dammit, I've fallen into the trap of composing an entire rant with the theme of not knowing what to rant about, a theme that's overused at best and a shitty thing to do at worst. And make no mistake, this is the worst.

Or is it? I've made myself known to Maddy's, Rin's and Richy's audience which is great for a traffic increase (assuming these guys have traffic themselves, I don't exactly have access to their stats), I got to make a racist, albeit tired joke, and I managed to finally relate something to WInnie the Pooh, a feat I've been making attempts at for years. Now that I've done so, I can finally retire from ranting.

Just kidding.

I guess this is the part where I write a conclusion, something that ties into a theme introduced at the beginning of the rant and displays my sharpened writer's wit, something that makes the readers step back from their computer screens and say, "Wow, this guy has talent. He knows what he's doing. He's got a theme, and knows how to utilize it to best display his sharpened writer's wit. With a conclusion like that, I can't help but agree with him. I think I love him."

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Damn.