Maddy Dave Richy
Owners of the universe

Tin dumps driving on the road.  

Smells like tin spirit (I hate Caravans)

Back again to assess another thoroughly annoying topic. And what is it this time, you ask? Fucking caravans. Yes, that’s right, those stupid little things made out of tin, that you will probably find on a road near you right about now.

So what enrages me about these things? Well, it's quite simple. Any twat that buys them, that’s what. And you always get stuck behind one when you least want to be, like when you're steaming your way to your girlfriend's house who has just called you up, informed you that she is horny, and if you don’t hurry, she will probably lose interest in the space of half an hour. Or when you've just finished a hard day at work, slaving your ass for some consumerist bastard who doesn’t give a fuck about you, and all you want to do is get home and have a nice cold beer, but this huge lump of metal on two wheels, strapped to another lump of metal, driven by a person who gets aroused by these lumps of metal refuses you this simple pleasure, as if it were his God given right. Next time you get pulled over for drink driving...the excuse is simple "I put beer in my car in case I got stuck behind a caravanning twat" They will understand, even cops hate this public waste of oxygen.

The thing that really confuses me is this, why do people that can’t even get along and work as a family unit when in a brick building, plenty large enough for them to move about and express themselves freely, choose to then cram themselves into this tiny tin can, and force themselves to attempt to get along?! It's completely impossible, as everyone is already hot and pissed off at the fact that it took 15hours to get to their destination, and they had been flipped the bird by countless amounts of drivers who had the unfortunate bullshit of being stuck behind them, thus adding another good 3hours to THEIR journey. And they have the likelihood of toppling over in the middle of the fucking road, seizing up every lane of the road, as it straddles it with its enormous girth, like a fat man attempting to perch on his McDonald's barstool to consume his fatty cholesterol enriched McChicken Nuggets. Face facts, these things are a menace to society, and should be blown clean off the face of the Earth. We invented houses....perfect stable buildings in which we could shut the doors and ignore our family members, until we needed such things like food, and we invented cars so we could be mobile. Why the FUCK do we need some crazy hybrid of the two, Where you can be cooking your bacon and eggs only a mere foot away from where someone is taking a shit, and I know for a fact that metal is not the best sound proofer. Is this what happy memories you want to take away from your holiday?

Go buy a hotel room and stop being such a tight fuck. Experience the great outdoors? TAKE A TENT. Stop pissing me off with your stupid house on wheels. Face facts, you're one up from a gypsy. Oh yeah, if you’re American and like most Americans have no idea of any other culture outside of your country, a caravan is a trailer. You know… the thing that a large portion of the white population of your country live in…