Maddy Dave Richy
Owners of the universe

More ways to break up with your girlfriend.  

More ways to break up with your girlfriend!

1. Pull on her tampon string and act distressed when her breasts don’t light up.
2. Be competitive to a fault. "Hey, let's see who can come first!"
3. Constantly point out that no matter what outfit she tries on, unless it's a magic dress, her ass will ALWAYS look fat.
4. Send her picture into a skin mag and then complain when she gets mad.
5. Midway through sex, ask politely if you can go doggy style, as looking at her face is making you ill.
6. convince her to let you come in her mouth, then refuse to kiss her for a week
7. Continuously compare her to her sister, and ask what she thinks of your chances with her would be.
8. Pretend to have a dream in which she can tell what you're dreaming of as you sleep talk, saying things like "No, run, it's wifezilla!"
9. Slide up to her seductively, kiss her gently on the neck, handcuff her to the bed, then go get a beer and have a back to back marathon of all the Lost seasons.
10. rape
11. Blindfold her, telling her you have a fun place to go have sex, then promptly leave her in the trash can.
12. Casually mention that she should pork up because you're into fat sex.
13. Spike her favorite chocolate with roofies, then leave her outside a brothel.
14. Blindfold her and handcuff her to the bed and finger bang her, claiming to be using honey, then secretly call in the dog.
15. Call out her mother's name during climax.
16. Call the cat’s name out during climax.
17. Ask what she thinks to using a squid as a condom.
18. Offer her a chocolate, then when she reaches for it, take it away and drum on her stomach whilst laughing out loud at how fat she is.
19. Convince her to try outdoor sex, then tie her to a tree, and take potshots with an air rifle.
20. Buy her a dildo that explodes with fake snakes.
21. Turn up with a guy, crying and limping slightly, saying "Look what your ugliness made me turn to"
22. Tell her to shave herself downstairs, then complain that it looked better when hairy.
23. Wait for her to get naked, then begin to laugh hysterically.
24. Claim to be Richy
25. Wait until a family dinner, then begin to tell everyone, especially her father, how filthy she is in bed.
26. Start playing DnD mid sex and claim that your level is higher, therefore you are just in finishing first.
27. Tell her you are inviting all your male friends round for a bukkake party. (CAUTION: This MAY backfire)
28. Scream in a crowded area "TITS OR GTFO"
29. Free up time to sneak up behind her and cockslap her. OR Insert it into her ear.
30. Three simple words: I want Goatse.
31. Three simpler words: I am gay.
32. Claim to be attracted to queefs.
33. Smear tuna brine round your mouth, then when she asks "What's that smell" simply reply with "Your sister."
34. Listen to rap and/or hip hop.
35. Suck on her nipple, then slap her when it doesnt produce milk.
36. Complain that the air just got fatter whenever she enters a room you are in.
37. Remove all the mirrors from the house, as you were sick of replacing all the ones she broke.
38. Complain loudly during sex that she's taking too long.
39. Paint your penis green and complain that it's all her fault you caught this terrible disease.
40. Scratch your testicles and ask her what the fuck she put in your food.
41. Look at her with disgust and constantly ask if she just farted every time she opens her mouth.
42. Piss on her during sex and when she asks what the fuck you're doing, say that it makes her smell better.
43. Tell her you sold her underwear for the scouts to use as tents.
44. Get a sex change and return home. During the fight constantly refer to her as "dahlink".
45. Wear her clothes, and walk around telling her that you feel so confident and comfortable.
46. Ask her if she would like to be raped. When she says no, punch her to the ground and undo your pants whilst saying "well too fucking bad".
47. Cry and tell her that she could never love you for who you are. “It’s always about the sex, I want to be loved for my brains.”
48. Fart discreetly and look at the dog, then say "Don't worry boy, I know it wasn't you, it was that bitch next to me."
49. I suppose you could simply try saying "It's over”, but these tips are much more fun.
50. Use all of the above, then complain when she sues you.