Touch my house and expect a fatality.
Let's just say, for shits and giggles, that you're an idiot burglar. You find my house in the middle of the night and claim it as your target, as it is the most extraordinary looking one in the neighborhood. Scratch neighborhood, it's the best looking house on the planet. Just food for thought. I digress.
Unfortunately for you, the house that you have claimed as your target for breaking and entering was the building that belonged to me, your god.
You tiptoe your way up the walkway towards my door, checking to make sure that nobody was around. You slowly reach for the doorknob to see if it's unlocked and twist it slowly. For this stories sake, it's unlocked, just for to make your life as a burglar easier. But only for a moment.
Once you open the door all the way and sneak inside, you are delivered a bone crushing blow to the head, knocking you unconscious. Do you really think you could break and enter my house? If your answer to that was yes, go ahead and try.
Apparently, due to some pot smoking assholes, it is against the law to stop someone after they have broken into and entered your dwelling. Why that law was made is beyond me, but I am 110% against it.
If some guy barges through your door into your house and starts packing stuff into a pillowcase, wouldn't you react to it at all? And when I say react, I don't mean by standing up, watching him, crying your heart out to your mother, begging him to stop stealing and being such a bad man. Oh no, not at all.
By react, I meant by taking matters into your own hands and using a pillowcase of your own, packed with a toaster, and kicking the shit out of this asshole. If you don't have a pillowcase and toaster at your side, sitting with you on the couch as you watch Jeopardy, using your fists and pounding them into his skull works just as effectively, although not as visually and mentally appealing.
And then everyone wonders why people these days are turning into pussies...
Composed by yours truly, David